Dear Diary,

My husband and I have recently implemented a money-based reward system for our children based on their ability to complete chores on a daily and weekly basis. Most individuals call this “allowance”. I call this investing in quality assurance.

The female native has really taken a liking to this newly implemented system, most specifically her task of dusting the downstairs portion of the house. The male native is responsible for the upstairs, though typically the novelty wears off once he has dusted his room. A new strategy will be implemented to include him dusting his room last.

Nonetheless, the female native, whom I consider to be the alpha of the two “children”, has discovered the citrusy glory that is Pledge. I believe its scent to be intoxicating to children, as quickly every surface of our house was smothered in its cream-like consistency.

I took the opportunity to teach her about being conservative, though she did not heed my lesson in “a little goes a long way”.

When she Pledged the television screen, I tried to teach her about the surfaces of which Pledge can be acceptably used. Despite my husband’s cries, I praised her on her willingness to help out.

After she was done with the living room, she moved onto the kitchen. To include the trash receptacle, which I thought to be a rather crafty use of Pledge, as it really did make the stainless steel can shine like it was new. I also had the realization that perhaps I am not fully aware of all the surfaces Pledge can be used on. I really must take time to read the directions on the bottle.

She then moved on to Pledging the linoleum by the trash can….and then the linoleum by the back door. I let her, since she seemed so eager. After all, I dare not stop her Cinderella-like work ethic. However, as soon as my husband when slip-sliding across the kitchen, I was promptly reminded that it is in Pledge’s nature to make everything shiny, and smooth….and slick.

Since Saturday, each of our family members have taken turns grasping on to any non-moving object when traipsing through the kitchen or letting the canine family members in the backyard to “do their business”.

Apparently, I let the canine family members into the back yard so infrequently that I forget each time of my daughter’s fond interest in earning money until I throw my arms into the air in an effort to catch my balance…. sometimes, not quite sticking the landing.

Sincerely,

Shall I Rub Some Dirt on the Floor to Get Rid of the Pledge?, Jennifer

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