#7

Dearest Minivan,

While I won’t miss your lack of modern conveniences, such as Bluetooth capabilities and a back-up camera, I will miss the large, Shrek-like shadow you cast on the road in front of me as I drove away from the sunrise after dropping my children off at school.

It reminded me that your side view mirrors were exceptionally large for a relatively small minivan, when compared to an Econoline, which your mirrors may have been better suited for.

Mirrors aside, I assumed that your lack of features was due in part to your age. Perhaps, you were a few years old. Perhaps, you’d “been around the block” several times.

However, as I turned in your keys at the Enterprise counter, I glanced at the label on the plastic key fob announcing loudly of the replacement fee should I lose a key, that you were a 2015 model.

Two-thousand fifteen….you once again, have let me down. Yet, you helped me realize that there is indeed a more basic model than the basic model and it is called “Rental Quality”.

Sincerely,

Glad to be back in my own vehicle Jennifer

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#6

Dear Diary,

Our family may be down one canine member if the hole in the fence does not get repaired soon. The oldest canine member escaped again, thankfully it was during daylight hours. Until today, I had thought he was Houdini himself, as I could not find where this mutt was escaping from. Upon further investigation by my smart and observational friend Kelli, it was noticed that he was slipping underneath a loose part of the fence. As per usual, the canine miscreant did not obey my commands of “Want a cookie?!”, “Let’s go on a walk!”, “How about a ride in the minivan? Look, I have your leash!”. After piercing my soul with his eyes of disobedience, as if he were saying, “I will never obey you”, he willingly returned and proceeded to garner the attention of my observational friend….. just by her presence in my driveway.

Alas, I will call the housing authorities to rectify this shoddy fence situation immediately. Until then, the canine family member will have supervised toileting privileges. | consider this to be an absurd waste of my time, as I have spent the last 5.5 years observing the toileting habits of my own two human natives.

Sincerely,

“I said wash your hands!” Jennifer

#5

Dear Diary,

This is my last day with the rental minivan. I am only saddened by this fact as I feel that I have finally been accepted into the minivan tribe. Mothers drive by and smile at me while I confusingly figure out where the windshield wipers are and how to use them. Instead, I accidentally shine my high beams into their faces. Their smiles could be out of pity or the extreme amount of entertainment they must be experiencing in their “fully loaded” models. Whereas, in a previous entry, I mentioned the supreme lack of what I consider to be modern conveniences that accompany my rental minivan.

While picking up the oldest of two natives and while thinking of myself to be thoroughly proficient in the use of the minivan “features” (bar the windshield wipers), I was quickly humbled by a safety feature. Though, in theory, I understand why the side doors do not open when in the vehicle is in “drive”, I feel that when the brake is being pressed, the doors should open. After all, how am I to tell the natives to “tuck and roll” during drop-off? I digress….

In the midst of my struggle to press the brake and push the side door “open” button, a teacher took pity upon my cries of “I’m so sorry”, “I don’t know why the door isn’t opening”, “It’s a rental”, “I’m still getting used to it” to ever so politely ask, “Is the van in park?”…….I look, “No ma’am, it is not”. “It has to be in park for you to be able to open the door”…..

Sincerely,

Slight Confused, but Mostly Frustrated Jennifer

#4

Dear Diary,

The youngest of the two canine family members has broken my trust. He took advantage of my distraction while tidying the house and decided to use my rug as dental floss. He has since been exiled to his crate, despite his valiant efforts to stop his imprisonment. He is now growling in an attempt to intimidate me. These efforts are also valiant, yet ineffective. Lest he forget, I am a mother. I am not intimidated by small creatures and I have perfected the skill of “tuning out”.

Sincerely,

The Alpha, Jennifer

#3

Dear Diary,

The natives have started to ignore my existence. Our canine family member managed to escape, probably due to low morale. I went off into the dark night of our back yard to find him on the hill. I lured him with promises of snacks and walks. Alas, he also ignored that I exist and reluctantly came back on his own accord. The natives did not notice my absence, nor the canine family member’s absence. They were entranced by some children’s television show featuring a talking train that often finds himself in difficult situations. They call it “Chuggington”. I must learn how to wield this sorcery so that the natives will acknowledge me once again.

Sincerely,

I’m still here, Jennifer

#2

Dear Diary,

It has been three days since my husband went on out of town for work. The first day, the natives did not realize that he was gone until it was time to cuddle. They reluctantly settled for my cuddles. The second day, my cuddles were no longer wanted and on the third day, they woke up asking if “Daddy” was back yet. “Daddy” is not back yet and you will take my cuddles! The natives are growing restless.

Sincerely,

Jennifer

#1

Dear Diary,

It has been three days since I last saw my own vehicle. The excitement of a rental minivan has started to wear off, as I’ve yet to figure out how to park it both safely and accurately. The natives requested to play inside the minivan last night, only to be disappointed when I told them they could not sit in the front nor push any buttons. They, too, are losing their excitement about the minivan.

Sincerely,

Cold-hands Jennifer

P.S. Never under estimate the value of a heated steering wheel. You are missed, my friend….you are missed.